My Memoir

Living in my paradise and thinking, hoping, wondering if I’m pregnant with either a child or a rebirth of myself I must say I am at peace.  I’ve had a wonderful and rich life.  Presently, I’m a few thousand short of maxing out my line of credit but I have enough money to buy fresh fruit and vegetables to nourish my body.  I have paid the water bill and the water is good here.  It’s so good I have my own well and a fish pond too.  

There are twenty-four chickens in the chicken coop.  They were purchased in the beginning out of a fear of not enough.  I felt I didn’t have enough money and wanted to sell eggs, and I wanted to fill my  freezer with chicken in the Fall.  I’ve fallen though, very publicly, and I realize living with the thought of lack or fear or with an attitude of poverty has not served me well.

Now is the time to sell the chickens.  Now is the time to stop giving without receiving.  Now is the time to live with abundance.  It took me a long time, much longer than I would have chosen, but in a way, I did choose. And, I will say with complete conviction, God’s timing is perfect.  

Learning to see my own folly, and learning to extend grace to myself were crucial components to my healing.  Once I was open to receiving love, and once I could trust another, believing they had my best interests at heart, things really came together for me.

For the first time in my life, I had the ability to speak and be heard.  I’m not so sure anyone would have been receptive to my words, but I know I have tremendous body language.  I learned how to mimic from my fifty-seven years of watching others.  Oh, I’ve had great teachers and I thank each and every one of them for the gifts they have given me.  

There were many more super teachers than I can count, but a few stand out in my mind who are needing special recognition.  They are Birk Sproxton, the man who selflessly gave me all he had so I could carry the baton to others.  He was my mentor and I will never forget him.  Also my good friend Mary Crawford, who taught me to turn a negative into a positive.  And my friend Margaret Meeres-Alton who taught me how to hug.   These three musketeers of mine, who had never crossed physical paths, welcomed me into their groups and I am so very grateful.

Wonderfully, after each of these friends went to the ever after, others came into the circle.  Oprah Winfrey is one.  No, I have not met her in person yet, but her teachings and willingness to see beyond our color differences has meant a tremendous amount to me.  Also, Pastor Stephen and Holly Furtick were very tenacious and blunt with me.  Two qualities I admire.  There were many other people as well, people who maybe had poor intentions, but who had the strength to persevere.

Life is wonder-full.  Thank you.

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