Giving Fear the Middle Finger

Dancing in the living room to get my joy back to the beat of happiness during incredible bills that were left for me, I found my God. Please understand, I had utility bills that were not my own and I was refinishing furniture, selling outfits I put together, applying for more than 400 jobs after being let go at work, I began crying out to God. This was in the height of COVID-19 and I was totally alone. The facts are true, I lost my Earthly inheritance and broke up with my partner, my world came crashing down on me. And I started dancing and praising my Lord.

After a short time, I had other’s fear attack me breaking in and thieving things and threatening. In a show of power, I left.

In my God’s good fortune, I found a place in a house with friendly others. And not long after I had healed from disaster, I found the acreage of my dreams. It was both zoned agriculture, and also on the corner, of a small-town homey street. The house was so perfect it ticked all the boxes and came with a total plentitude of household things. The need to bring my earthly treasures to this house indeed was held at bay for a year. The surprises unfolded with each new day and the Creator/Redeemer/ Universal Healer brought this house from a written off foreclosure that was valued by the tax man at $126. A cupboard alone as it was deemed uninhabitable became a home for me.

Still alone in the wilderness I reached out to men who filled me with their brokenness as we each sat at our well. We both drug each other down a path we will not tell. With whispers in my head of terror and threats I finally went home to my kids to get some sleep. There we did problem solve, forgave one another’s debts and held them accountable to restoration they could give. In honesty, I reached out to the doctor who with tenderness and care, prescribed sleeping meds; yet still there was unrest. Mold in the house, mice, people, debt and mistrust, swirled round my head.

Restoration comes with certain steps as i continually rely on my God to lead me to speak the truth. Determined to move on and go home to my community with most of my family is the key. Listening to Reggae music and leaving bondage was healing, and oh so freeing, to see the world united in my mind. The One God with many names, reigns above, in my mind and people’s, this thought is growing in love.

(Photo by Efe Kurnaz of Unsplash)

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